I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
