First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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