Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
