Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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