I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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