marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
