i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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