screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
