Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
