That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
