i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
