he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Do you remember whose house we're in?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
