Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Why is your signature on my underwear?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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