That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
