just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
