Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
