I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
