i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
