I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
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i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
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Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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