So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
