he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You ruined the universe
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
