It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
