Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
