We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
