I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
