Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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