She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
