It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
