I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
