fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
