Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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