you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
