just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
