Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
