just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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