dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
