moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
