weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
