forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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