I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
