Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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