Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
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She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
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Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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