Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
