I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize