You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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