I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
