Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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