we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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