I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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