Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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