Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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