The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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