just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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