my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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