If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
