4 words: hood of his car
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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