a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
