Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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