My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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