so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
