uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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