6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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