She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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