I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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