My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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