I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
