i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
