Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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