i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
