So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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